*This was written about 11 months ago. Only today did I remember that it sat unpublished, and thought, what the hell, publish it. It's not like people will actually read it. But here it is, my first entry on a blog that I was determined to fill with our new adventures in Oshkosh. But, I thought that by now, this blog would be full of before-and-after shots of the beautiful home we bought and renovated, food posts of amazing recipes I've perfected, and beautifully filtered images of my daughter discovering a new city. And yet. No posts. We are still living out of boxes. We are renting. Max is watching Daniel Tiger on a laptop as I type. I am drinking a gin cocktail made with kiddie juice. Enough said.
Written sometime in February 2015
Jeremiah received his contract over the weekend. They said that it would come before the end of the month, and sure enough, it came on January 31. Someone had to work on a Saturday to get that to him. We are grateful and were able to finally breathe a deep sigh of relief. Although he had already been given the offer and accepted the offer verbally and via email (and I've already saved 22 homes on Trulia), it became officially official. Like, if for some reason they were to redact the contract, there could be a case for due process official. If you think about it, in this day and age, a digital contract seems so much more official than when paper offer letters were sent. A paper letter can get lost in the mail. An email is permanent. You can't un-send a sent email, even if you unplug the computer, as was comically portrayed in the early days of internet naiveté (insert fake laugh track here).
I emailed my administrators this evening. For a while, it was an item on my To Do list. But, as I was composing the email, an unexpected range of emotions surfaced. To list them would trivialize them, but it is the only way to encompass the spectrum of feelings I felt in the ten minutes it took to type out the words. I experienced: excitement, sadness, anxiety, gratitude, and giddiness. And these feelings were not linear - there was no distinct start or end to the feelings, but rather, clumped into one confusing and new emotion that I've never felt before, which makes sense, because I've never relocated to a new city, other than when I moved away for college, and that doesn't really count as a relocation.
I think that when you are planning for a move, it's normal to feel polarizing emotions. The idea of a new home, new surrounding, new beginning, new landmarks, and essentially, a new life, is exhilarating. The unknown, if you're a natural optimist like me, is full of opportunities(!) and adventures(!) and fun(!).
Then, nostalgia throws your hippocampus into a frenzy. Oh, but we met at a bar in Champaign…we got married here…we bought our first place here…our daughter was born here…the memories(!)...the milestones(!)
I am still processing all of this. I often escape my need to face the reality of a move by trolling potential houses on Trulia and then producing a mini-HGTV episode in my head (starring me!) of how I would change the decor or improve curb appeal. I've also spent countless and shameless hours on Pinterest, pinning pins that are impossible in our budget but yet I somehow believe that I will DIY with my bare hands in one weekend.
